Official Investigation by Plant and Page
by alohakaoha
Summary: A response to JKR's 800 word prequel. Oneshot. A certain pair of Order members go and clean up James and Sirius' mess.


This was written for a challenge at the livejournal community hhwritersblock in which authors have only 30 minutes to write. I haven't edited anything so what you have here is pure, raw fanfic from my brain ;)

JKR owns everything yada yada yada

"Mister Fisher, Mister Anderson." A voice calls not too far from where the two dumbstruck officers stood. A tall, ginger haired man dressed much more sensibly than the previous hooligans waves at them as he approaches. "I'm Inspector Plant, this rather unfortunate looking man next to me is Inspector Page. Yes, we look remarkably similar, no we are not related." Neither officer notices that both of these men are far too young to be inspectors of any kind.

Inspector Page hides a laugh behind a cough before saying "Yeah, we're Scotland Yard." He flashes his badge. "We heard there was some kind of disturbance here?"

Anderson clears his throat, "You'll think we're mental-"

"Try me." Inspector Plant replies crossing his arms. "I mean, it's not as though they were flying, eh?" He nudges Page and they share a laugh.

Anderson pales noticeably and Fisher interjects, "Except, they were."

"Really?" Inspector Page replies, trying to feign skepticism. "What, magic carpet?"

Plant glances at him briefly, nudging his head at Anderson. "Can you tell me what they looked like?"

"They both had black hair." Anderson replies in somewhat of a daze. "One of them's hair was all rumpled up-like and the other. The other called himself Elvendork-"

Page snorts.

Fisher yelps, "Flying motorcycle!"

Page, from behind Anderson, mouths to Plant, "Potter and Black." Plant nods, rolling his eyes. "Er, were they particularly harmful in any way? Did they destroy anything?"

"Broomsticks. Men. They backed our car up into them." Anderson replies, gesturing towards the dented car. "Are we going to be inquired about this at central headquarters?"

"Not to worry, we'll sort it all out-"

Page interrupts Plant "-Are you sure about the men on broomsticks?"

"Look are you men from Scotland Yard just coming 'round to have a laugh? We know what we saw! Two hoodlums called themselves Potter and Black. Brought in imore/i hoodlums all dressed the same. Disruptin the peace!" Fisher replies.

"Right, then. That's all we need." Plant replies, looking at Page. "Ready, Page?"

"Ready as ever." Page replies, pulling an object out of his jacket. "My count, then."

"Obliviate!" Plant exclaims, pointing his wand at Fisher. Page follows suit.

"Oi, Gideon, what the hell is the point of having a count if you go off and modify memories all willy-nilly?" Fabian asks, brow furrowed in mock annoyance.

Gideon, not looking up, responds "I never agreed to having a count." He sees Fisher's eyelids fluttering open. "PC Fisher, you and your partner had a bit too much to drink tonight and backed your car into a rubbish bin. Sarge expects a full report written up by tomorrow, do you understand? Will you tell Anderson to lay off the whisky?"

"Er, yeah." Fisher mumbles.

"For god's sake man, you're officers, behave as such." Fabian replies, shaking his head. He nudges towards the street, beckoning Gideon to follow. The two are silent as they walk. "So, which one do you want to flay?"

"You're making me choose? You know they both had something to do with it." Gideon replies. "Honestly, of all the stupid things-"

"-Gid, they're young-"

"-yeah, have fun all that. I know. We do that too, but not when we've got the other side chasing us 'round-"

"- Gid save the lecture." Fabian replies. "What d'you think we should do?"

Gideon shrugs, "Dunno, douse all their clothing in itching powder?"

"I was thinking more along the lines of a lecture to the Molly-degree." Fabian muses.

Gideon feigns shock and inhales sharply. "Fabian, you wouldn't-"

"I would, and I will. And you will too." Fabian grins.

"Yeah, it's fun watching the the wee ones squirm. That and they were completely stupid." Gideon finishes matter-of-factly.

The two are silent again as they continue to walk to a secluded spot to Apparate. "Page and Plant? Gid, really? I would've expected something a little more imaginative."

"Well, I was going to go for Fuffernutter and Gerteheimerschmitz but after hearing 'Elvendork'-"

Fabian interjects, "Sounds like one of Potter's creations-"

"-I figured Page and Plant were relatively safe names." Gideon finishes as they reach the dead tree by which they were posted for reconnaissance duty.

"Fuffernutter? That's just stupid."

Gideon pats Fabian on the back, "Well it was going to be your name, anyway. Fitting, right?" He winks and Apparates out.


End file.
